


Can’t Go Back Now

by Isrslyneedhelp



Series: 💍 Fundywastaken 💍 [1]
Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Badboyhalo is mentioned briefly, Divorce, Dream Smp, Dreamon, Feelings, George is mentioned briefly, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Regrets, Sad Dream, Sad Fundy, The fiancés, but emotional constipation is a thing, but not anymore, but that doesnt happen between fundy and dream, communication is key, fiances, fundywastaken, idk how to tag help, sapnap is a good friend, they still love each other tho, we love wholesome friendships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:53:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27622987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isrslyneedhelp/pseuds/Isrslyneedhelp
Summary: It’s not like Dream actually thought that their relationship would go smooth sailing. In fact, he’s surprised they even lasted this long. And maybe... maybe they could’ve lasted longer.Maybe if he had actually went through the ritual like they had planned.Maybe if he wasn’t greedy for power.Maybe if he hadn’t succumbed to the voices in his head that just craved more and more for chaos and destruction.Then maybe.. just maybe... he would still be with his fiancé.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & Floris | Fundy, Clay | Dream/Floris | Fundy
Series: 💍 Fundywastaken 💍 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2019824
Comments: 6
Kudos: 77





	1. Turning Point

“Dream...” the blonde heard a familiar voice call out to him. If this were any other occasion, in some point of time that wasn’t today his stomach would’ve been filled with butterflies, would’ve turned around immediately to face the ginger and hold his hand and kiss him and—

Now... now all he felt was dread crawling up his stomach, bile rising up his throat, waiting for the red head to get it over with and say the words that he was so scared to hear. Because it isn’t his place to be by the sun’s side anymore, he doesn't have the right to. He knows that he can’t go back to when everything was fine between the two of them. Not when he had conspired with the fox’s now diseased dad to blow up L’manberg. Not when he had lied to his face. Not when he had fed him all these sugar coated lies that he would always be on his side no matter what. Not after he had whispered I love you’s to him each day when his actions had proven otherwise. Even before Fundy had said anything he already he already knew he fucked up and nothing could—

“Dream, let’s not make this harder than it has to be. You know what I wanted to talk about.”

The blonde stilled, stopping whatever he was doing previously. Which honestly, was just flailing his hands around and moving the same objects to different places in a pathetic attempt to make himself busy.

“I want to cancel our engagement.”

It felt like time was stopping. Suddenly all he could hear was the stupid ticking of the clock, the creaking sound of the door opening and closing slightly because of the wind, the scent of flowers and— and— it was just too much, and by the time Dream responded all he could do was reply with a small, barely coherent “Ok” because he couldn’t trust his voice enough to say anymore than that.

“Ok? That’s all you have to say? Seriously? It’s that easy for you?” The ginger barked out, bitterly laughing to himself.

“It’s not like I expected you to beg me to stay or anything.. But I... I don’t even know what I expected. I guess... I thought our engagement meant at least _something_ to you..”

“If you don’t have anything to say... This is goodbye.. We’re done... I’m.. I’m going to come back tomorrow so we can sign the papers.”

Dream thought that he would hear the door slam afterwards, but he heard nothing. In fact, he didn’t even hear the ginger walk away. He just stood there. Maybe he was waiting for the blonde to say something, but... he didn’t. And after a couple minutes he finally heard the other walk away.


	2. Mistakes Were Made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe in another life they would be still be fiancés, heck— maybe they’d even go through with the wedding, they would exchange their vows, eat a stupidly tall wedding cake, dance around like there was no tomorrow, laugh till their lungs refused to let them breath and... they would hold each other, never let go, whisper “I love you’s” day and night... but... that wasn’t that life he chose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aAA— I procrastinated on this for too LONG-  
> im tired so theres probably a couple mistakes here and there but lets not focus on that 🤩✌️
> 
> Honestly the new streams just keep giving me angst material— i hate it 💔
> 
> It made me wanna rewrite the thing again—  
> I’ll probably make a fic abt the latest stream idk depends-

The blonde pushed through the wooden doors of his house, dumping a mountain of supplies he collected from the Nether into a near by chest. If you were to ask him what they were for he would tell you he was preparing potions in case of an upcoming war, but honestly who is he kidding? Sure maybe a few little pranks and fights would break out but an entire war? After everything that’s just happened? Not likely, at least not for now. Too many wounds have been cut open, too fresh to heal, too soon to forget. Everyone’s content with this peaceful and slow pace that they have now.

Oh how the blonde wished it was like that for him too. The voices in his head just continued to crave for more action, for more fighting, for more chaos and for just... something to happen. Maybe that’s why he keeps venturing off, going in and out the Nether, playing pranks on the other members of the smp, yeah that’s got to be reason...

Dream takes off the armor he had on as well as his mask and puts it off to the side as he slumps into the comforts of his couch, face down as he shoved his faces into the pillow. A faint, yet familiar scent encompassing him, swallowing him up till all his senses were soaked in it.

“Heh... maybe I’m more tired than I thought.”

And who wouldn’t be? With the constant fighting and moving around he was doing, he was bound to tire himself out. He didn’t even know why he was so antsy lately, it’s not like there was any rising tension within the smp, heck— everything’s been smooth sailing. People are rebuilding L’manberg. Wilbur’s apparently still around, well— he’s still a dead but... he’s there in spirit... quite literally in this case. Him and his son even got some bonding experience, which is good for the fox, good for the both of them! 

Everyone’s doing fine... nothings happening and nothing will happen. So why has he been so... restless and anxious these days? He can’t even stay in one place... he’s been going in and out of the Nether for a couple days collecting supplies that he doesn’t even know what to do with. He doesn’t even know why he keeps going there— he definitely owns more than a lifetime’s worth of potion ingredients that he has absolutely no use for. Its just ridiculous! Sure maybe he could sell them but what use would they have? No one’s engaging in fights, they’re mainly preoccupied with rebuilding the crater that is L’manberg.

_Knock knock_

“Ughhh... It’s openeddd” 

The door creaked open, and suddenly he felt a sudden weight being pressed onto him.

“Wh- wHA— sAPNAP?! gET OFF OF ME!” Dream shrieked as he tried to shake off the brunette who was suffocating him under his weight. If they weren’t best friends Dream would’ve thrown him to the other side of the universe by now, but unfortunately they are and he’s stuck with the idiot for the rest of his life, not like he minded but the younger of the two didn’t need to hear that.

“nOPE! No can do buddy!” The brunette heaved out as he sat up, making sure to lock his arms around the blonde, trying to make sure he doesn’t just get up and leave. “It says on my calendar that you have a scheduled appointment with me today!”

“Uhuh... an appointment for what? And can you _not_ stick so close to me I don’t want to catch cooties” 

The blonde jokes as he tried to shimmy his way out of his best friend’s hold and Sapnap finally loosened of his grasp on Dream, and let the man simply sit next to him.

“Really Dream? Seriously?? Cooties? Are we five?” Sapnap gave him a pointed look, before crossing his arms and giving the man a smug grin. “As I was saying— You my dear friend have an appointment to get your emotional constipation checked”

“My emotional... constipation?" 

"Yes, I’m pretty sure you're emotionally constipated not deaf dream"

"Haha funny, get out of my house-" The blonde strained out, as he stood up about to show his friend out only to be pulled back down by the brunette.

"Nope, can’t hear you- where the honk is george, he better not be sleeping through this again" Sapnap groaned out the last part, seriously— the amount of talent George has to be able to sleep through anything.

Dream does one of his signature laughs, thinking of all the times their friend had slept through every important event in the smp “Just in case you forgot he’s king now so he’s either getting pranked or swamped with a shit ton of paperwork”

“Wait- George iS THE K I N G ? !” Dream can only laugh harder as his friend’s neck snapped so fast and his eyes are bulging out of his eye sockets, the scene is so comical that he wishes had caught it on camera, his little laughing fit, however, was _rudely_ interrupted with his friend’s yelling. “Hey wAIT! Stop trying to change the subject you muffin head!”

“Darn it—“

“Dream—“ Sapnap grabs the blonde’s shoulders, giving it a firm squeeze which only confused the blonde. 

“Sapnap wha—“

“Dream— look... you’ve been acting all... weird lately. I mean you’re normally pretty fidgety but you’ve been even more so now”

“And I think I know why... So if you wan’t to talk about it, I’ll be here to listen...”

“Wait...” Dream gave Sapnap a confused look as he laughs through his words. “Wha- what are you even talking about? What do you mean you know _why?_ ”

The brunette furrowed his eye brows and gave him this hard stare “Dream why’re you playing dumb? I’m talking about you’re divorce with Fundy.”

The blonde just stared at his friend with wide eyes for a good couple seconds before he bursted out laughing, slapping his knees in the process.

“S-Sapnap— Are you serious? First of all— How could we even divorce?! We were fiancés! We didn’t even get married! And second of all why would he have anything to do with it? We— we haven’t even talked since our break up a couple months ago- wHAT? I’m doing fine- he’s doing fine- we’re both doing fine!” The blonde wheezes out, almost out of air, failing his hands around to try and emphasize whatever he’s saying.

“Yeah? Then why do you still have that chest full of Fundy’s stuff?” Sapnap arched his brow at the blonde, as he began to walk to a dusty, untouched chest sitting underneath the staircase. “Didn’t you say you would get rid of these?” 

“I will! I will! I just never got to it— I’ve just been busy with... stuff” The brunette responded with a hum, side eyeing his friend as he picked up a notebook with drawings and writings scribbled all over the cover. “I can help you burn these if you want, it’s my speciality after all.”

As soon the words left his mouth, the notebook got slapped out of his hand. It happened so fast that he ended up falling down to the ground. “Uh.. s-sorry about that Sapnap” The brunette grabbed the hand his friend extended, and let himself be pulled up on his feet. He chuckled at his friend as he dusted of his clothes, “What’s the big deal Dream? You have no use of them anyways...” Sapnap turned his back on Dream, as he went to go grab other objects from the chest. “And you did say you never had the time to get rid of them this is the—“ 

“ _ **NO—**_ I.. I can get rid of them myself, I’ll just do it later... Ok?“ 

“Dream... You’ve been putting this off for _Months_ heck— it’s almost the end of the year! And you’re seriously telling me you’ve moved on? If you did it wouldn’t bother you so much, you wouldn’t overreact at the mention of me burning them! Dream stop lying to yourself! You always keep everything bottled up! You never confide with anyone which is exactly why everyone— heck even you have hard time trying to figure out what you’re feeling! Just... talk to me, I won’t say anything if you don’t want me to.. I’ll just listen if that’s what you need... Just— stop doing everything on your own, we’re best friends aren’t we?”

“I...I guess you’re right... and It’s not like I don’t open up about this to you and George because I don’t trust you guys.” 

“But even if I tried to... I don’t even know _what_ to talk about, yeah know? I-it’s not like I feel sad over what happened.. at least I don’t think. It’s just that... I guess I regret doing and not doing certain things, because maybe it would’ve changed the out come... It’s probably just my habit of overthinking and over analysing things and thinking of the what if’s but... I can’t help but think that maybe if I had done certain things differently... Maybe if I just went through with that fucking ritual... Maybe I wouldn’t be in the situation I’m in right now...”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I... I asked Fundy and Tubbo to perform this ritual for me... To get rid of the dreamon part of me... because I... I wanted to feel normal for once... I didn’t want to have to deal with the dreamon part of me, not the bloodlust nor the voices in my head.”

“Voices..?”

“Yeah.. voices of my kind... of my ancestors would just... continue to crave for destruction, continued to tell me to do so many things... And... it’s not like I can blame all the things I’ve done on them since I succumbed to them. I let that part of me win... I let that part of me lose someone that I love... It’s ridiculous honestly... I was the one who wanted the ritual to be performed... yet... I was also the one that ran away... I lied to them... I told them it worked... but it didn’t... I’m such a selfish and greedy coward.”

“Dream you’re not—“

“No, Sapnap” The blonde laughed out, eyes red and glossy with tears. “I am” Dream croaked out and the brunette’s heart clenched at the cracking of his friend’s voice, but all he could do for him was listen and be there for his friend. “I-I’m.. a fucking coward... I...I.. traded what could’ve been the happiest days of my life with my fucking fiancé for this stupid power— For something that has plagued me for so... so long... for something that I wanted to get rid of— for something that I told them I wanted to get rid of.. And yet I ran away... People revere me and put me up on this pedestal— As if I was this brave warrior who’s first thought is to fight and defeat his opponents... But all I can think about is running away... For each and everyone one of them... I just wanted to run and not be a part of it all... But I can’t do that... what would if look like if someone like me ran away? How could I, a being of chaos and destruction... the _god_ of the smp, run away from the very thing it craves for? What right do I have to run away from it when everyone else is staying to fight?”

The blonde played with his necklace, tears falling down his face as he continued to chuckled under his breath. “Don’t you get it Sapnap?” He snapped his head towards the clearly conflicted brunette, “I’m a fucking _coward!_ I ran away from him! We were— we _planned_ to move in together! We built this house together! This!” The blonde stood up, arms out as he took in, as he willed his friend to take in every inch of the cottage. “This... this was supposed to be _ours_ ” The blonde crouched down, breaking down as he gets swallowed up by the scent again. 

The brunette swallowed the lump in his throat, as he wearily walked towards his childhood friend. “Dream... It isn’t your fault, you don’t have contro—“

“Sapnap” He croaked out weakly, green eyes meeting black ones. “Yes it is...” the blonde chuckled “It’s my fault Sap... Bad.. Bad is also a demon and he can control it just fine... Bad is a demon and yet he is the embodiment of everything opposite of a demon. He moves on his own accord, not because of our ancestors, he’s his own person. He’s so much stronger than I could ever be.”

“Dream” The brunette says affectionately, as crouches down to meet the blonde. “Of course you aren’t like bad, silly” Sapnap cups his friend’s freckled face in the warm palm of palm of his hands, as he wipes away the blonde’s tears. 

“You’re nothing like Bad because you’re Dream. You guys are completely different people and that’s more than fine! You both deal with things differently and that’s normal! Everyone copes in different ways and thats fine. Dream don’t beat yourself up on not being able to control your urges, that’s normal! It’s hard to go against your instincts especially when you have numerous voices telling you to do something. You say Bad goes against everything that demons are for, but are you forgetting that he took part of fights just like everyone in this smp? Bad can also be quite chaotic and that’s part of him! And so is that demon part of you! If you aren’t content with the way you are now, then... let’s work on getting you to where you wanna be! George and I will be by your side each step, ok? You can be scared that’s fine, we’ll be here to back you up. If you want to go somewhere far away and get a break from everything we’ll help you!” 

The shorter of the two breathes out, grinning as he looks at his friend with pure admiration. “Dream...you saved me. You’ve been by my side for as long as I remember. You’re the literally one of the best people I’ve met. Sure, you have your chaotic tendencies but that’s just one of your many aspects. If you can’t see yourself the way I, and so many others see you then we’ll just work on it till you can see it. If you’re not fine with the way you are right now then it’s ok we’ll continue to grow together and change for the better. And at some point, it might not be now but someday... _someday_ you’ll be fine with the way you are and you’ll see how much you’re worth and when that comes we’ll be there to witness it first hand.”

The two of them sat there for a while, limbs tangled together as they basked in each others warmth. The only thing breaking the silence was the occasional sniffles of the blonde, and the small hums of the brunette as he threaded his hand through the golden locks of his friend’s head.

“Are you good now you big baby?”

“H-hey” Dream croaked out, his voice cracking in the process which triggered a fit of laughter to erupt from his friend. 

“Pfft! Wh-what are you? A teenager going through puberty?”

“Ughhh shut up and just be my human heater” The blonde groaned, but he didn’t stop the fond smile creeping on his face. “Seriously though... Thanks a lot Sapnap.”

The brunette grinned as he put a hand near his ear. “Oh! What was that? I don’t think I heard that”

Dream rolled his eyes at his childhood friend’s antics, shoving the other’s face away. “Oh shut up, I know you heard it you doofus. Now let go of me I can feel my legs cramping up.”

The two of them got up, though it took a while since their legs kept giving out and were too wobbly from sitting down on the floor for a while.

“Oh yeah, I think I’ll take you up on that offer” 

“Wait what— What offer?” The blonde chuckled at his friend’s confused state. He rolled his eyes as he looked over to the other side of the room. The younger of the two followed suit, and his eyes landed on the recently opened box under the staircase.

“Oh...” Was all that the brunette said, before his friend’s implications dawned on him. “Dream— You don’t... You don’t actually have to do that, I was just trying to provoke you earlier—“

“Sapnap, shush. I know what I’m doing. You’re right... I’ve been prolonging this and if I’m gonna move on I have to get rid of all of it.”

“So are you gonna burn it all??”

“What- No! I’ll burn the easy to burn stuff and I guess... I’ll... give the others back to him?”

“Oh... Well” Sapnap rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, as he rocked his feat back and forth. “Do you want me give him the ones you wanna return to him?”

Dream smiled at the brunette, ruffling his friend’s hair. “I think I should be the one to do that... I’ll do it when I’m ready. But first let’s start with separating them into different piles”

\- - -

“Well— He really is into the artsy stuff huh? Must’ve gotten it from his dad.” Sapnap hummed as he looked at the notebooks, piles of paper, a pen paired with a small bottle of translucent ink, a dolphin and penguin plushie, as well as a couple music discs and a music box inside the portable container.

“Hey you’re missing one”

“Wait I am?” The blonde walked over to give his friend the item when— “AAAAHH- DREAM WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! FUCK YOU GET THAT SHIT AWAY FROM ME YOU- YOU FUCKING DICK—“ 

The blonde laughed, almost toppling onto the floor as he wheezed out “iT’S— IT’S JUST A TOY SAPNAP!”

“oH MY GO- WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT-“

“I’m sorryyyy” the blonde whined, as he pulled one of the puppy dog eyes trick paired with one of those cringey pouts.

“Oh- _never_ do that again- why do you even have that stupid toy?”

“I told you— He gave it to me.”

“Wait- wHAT?! He actually gave you— what- wh-why? What??”

“Well— gave wouldn’t exactly be the right word. He played a prank on me once using this lil thing, I wanted to get him back using it but never got to. So why not add it to the box of things I’m returning?”

“Oh- Dream that’s just... that’s just- PFFT- remind me to never get on your bad side.” The brunette 

“ _That’s_ what makes you not want to get on my bad side? A fucking toy cockroach? Seriously?”

“I meann... It’s hard to find you scary when I know that you’re a big pissbaby.”

“Oh my goodddd. That was _one_ time.” 

“Oh but it’s a hard memory to forget” The brunette turned around to face his friend who was a little bit behind him. “Dream... You don’t actually have to burn these. You can never get these back”

“Sapnap... It’s ok I want to do this. It’s better to not see them anymore unless I want to end up doing something stupid.”

Honestly, if you were to look at the two best friend’s sitting in front of a gigantic fire, throwing in each paper and notebooks filled with scribbled drawings and writings, old back and forth conversations that the ex-fiancés had when they were bored out of their mind. Then the papers, the letters they would send to each others and some that Dream never sent to the fox. Then came the two plushies, the blonde had mentioned being fond of penguins and dolphins once and the ginger had insisted on winning him the two of them at a carnival. He still remembers how excited the fox was after he won the two. 

There were a couple items they decided not to burn as it would be harder to do so. Such as the music box that the blonde’s ex had made for him, or the discs that contained songs the fox had written for the blonde.

 _This is fine... keeping these would only urge me to do something stupid. I have to get rid of it. I have to get rid of everything that keeps me connected to you. After all there’s no point on holding onto something that’s no longer mine._

**All I could smell that day was the scent of smoke and burning papers.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I wrote this a while ago— before it got confirmed the wedding was still on)
> 
> wHEEZE— I actually planned for this to be hurt/no comfort 😔💔
> 
> bUT— Then i accidentally deleted the entire thing I was writing which lead to me rewriting it and choosing to add some comfort in there 😚✌️  
> \+ I needed some sapnap content in here 😩✊

**Author's Note:**

> I’m p lazy and my motivation is 📉 so i probably wont write much unless inspo hits me or if i felt like it. Anyways— i hope you guys enjoyed it and i hope ya’ll have a great day 😚🤲💕
> 
> The next chapter is basically Dream after him and Fundy divorce so yeh- 😔👌
> 
> \+ + Oh yeah- i might make another chapter for this but in Fundy’s point of view- so tell me if you’d want that ig 👁👁💦💦


End file.
